Baby you’re all that i want
When you’re lying here in my arms
Im finding it hard to believe we’re i heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isnt too hard to see
We’re In Heaven We’re in heaven
Now nothing can change what you mean to me
there’s a lot that i can say
but just hold me now cuz our love will light the way
O TEGANYA by tangga
Akhirnya kau pun pergi biarkan ku disini
Ternyata kau juga tak punya hati
Pedih hati tak terperi
Sedih ku telan sendiri
Mau marah tapinya sama siapa
Kini aku di sini Cuma sendiri tiada yang mencari
Sampai hati sampai begini
Kau tak peduli o…teganya
Apakah salah dan dosaku
Mengapa semua tinggalkan ku
Mau marah tapinya sama siapa
TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED … I AM SO TIRED … SO SO SO SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING …
Yup…I’ve been questioning this question over and over again…stay single or ???? … call me commitment sindrome … well yeah may be … It’s not that I don’t like being attached or anything … it’s just … the emotion roller coaster that I really can’t stand of !!! I am suck at that … simple think could really bothering me and upseting me soooo baddddd …
Few months ago … if I was asked do I want to get married ? … I would say yes … but now … I am not so sure … why???
Coz I am not sure that I really know what a healthy relationship is … what it’s all about … for the last 8 years I’ve been in few relationships where I always end up spending my time on my own more often than spending it with my partners … so sometimes I was wondering am I single or attached or…… more precise … attached but yet still lonely (how pathetic is that???)… so in the end … more question comes into surface … what the point of staying attached then ????
I have to admitt sometimes I am so fed up with relationship’s mumbo jumbo … I really don’t know how to deal with it … and when it reached my boiling point …. all I can do is raging like a bull …
So … am I ready for this? Will I ever be ready for this? I don’t know …
Everyday I am asking myself … is it worthy ??????
I don’t know why I keep experiencing the same thing in my life…
I don’t know why I always have to let the time decides…
I don’t know why I always have to wait…
But for how long do I have to wait … again?????
Will it’s gonna be the same?
Or will it’s gonna be different?
Is it true that I am not lucky ?
I don’t want to believe that…
Never want to believe…
But why it keeps happening to me?
I am trying to ignore…
I am trying to forget…
But why my tears won’t stop from flowing down?
But why my heart is aching?
Because somehow I felt I am losing you…
Because somehow I felt you are just gonna be my dream…
My stupid dream…
I shouldn’t have let you come into my life…
I shouldn’t have let you touch my heart…
Because I couldn’t do this anymore…
Because I couldn’t wait anymore…
Because I know you’re going to leave me…
Here…alone…
Back to where I before…
Finally I found the time to continue the story about my career…where we were anyway?…ah yes…college graduation in 1999…
After the graduation I moved to Jakarta…didn’t have any idea what I was going to do next…I joined an English course…because I still wanted to go abroad to continue my study…the course itself took about 1.5 months at EEC Jakarta…and yup my English was improving quite significantly…but too bad…I didn’t get the chance to continue my study because of problems with my family…bit dissapointed actually because I really wanted to go and I knew if I got the chance I could do great…
So…instead of continuing the study…I started to send my cv to some companies…got my first interview with Unilever…quite interesting process … but i failed in the 1st test…it’s ok though coz I got very good lesson and experience…
I’ve never been talking anything about my career…where I have been … how I am end up here back in my city again…what I have been doing…no wonder some friends thought that I’ve been dissapearing for sometimes … just vanished and then I came back…so if you want to know a bit story of it…I’ll be happy to share it now…
I was born in Semarang, 30 years ago. I went into kindergarten in Semarang too untill 3rd grade. And then I moved to Cirebon with my parents because my father’s job. So I finished my elementary school at St. Maria School in Cirebon (Hi there my schoolmates!!!) After that I went into SMPN 1 Cirebon for my junior high years. It was a blast!!! Basically, I nearly knew everybody there and we had a great time…also considering I was known as a chubby girl that time (what years!!!hahahaha)…but it was happy times!!! Finished junior high school, I went into SMAN1 Cirebon but only for a year, coz my parents moved back to Semarang, so I also moved back with them and accepted into SMAN 1 Semarang (very nice building!!!)…at first I was having dificulties for coping with the new school, because I grew up together with my friends in Cirebon …. and I couldn’t and still can’t speak Javanese (hehehehehe)…and that had made me feel like an outsider…but…hey it’s me!!! I always found a way to cope (hehehehe)…and yup…after 6 months…I ruled!!!yessssssssss…I meant most people knew me and I was doing good academically…and still….had a great fun puting pranks on teachers (hey…it’s high school!!!)…had a very popular dj as my bf…had a great gank of friends…well…yup I enjoyed my high school…
After high school graduation, I really had no clue what I would like to do next. Plus, a week after the final exam, I flew to USA with my dad and brother for bit r n’ r. I remembered when all my friends were getting busy preparing UMPTN … I was having fun in USA (hehehehe)…got back…I went to Bandung for UMPTN preparation…where I met some of my junior high friends…had some reunions…(love it so much!!!)…had my UMPTN test…went to Jakarta for my Trisakti test…passed it …and then had some fun in Jakarta…(as usual…hehehe!!!)
Well….I guess it was my faith that I had to stay in Semarang after my little adventure in Bandung and Jakarta..coz I was accepted in University of Diponegoro Semarang … (hahahahaha) …honestly I was not really happy about it…coz I really wanted to feel to live on my own (not too close to my family)…but I guess it had to wait…
Since I was a kid…I’ve always been a free spirit…love adventures and freedom…and I grew up in a society that is not too uptight according to Indonesian custom…where being different is ok…so I have to say…I was bit shocked with the atmosphere in my college…I know untill today there’re still some people think I’ve been too harsh for saying it…but I am just being honest to myself…it was very difficult time in my life … yup my college years…I always remember the reason I wanted to finish it so bad coz I wanted to get out from there as fast as I could…
I was not happy because I felt I was forced to be someone else in order to be accepted…and I hated it …because I didn’t really like to pretend…well….basically I coudln’t get along with my friends very well…I was struggling badly!!! yet I’m survived!!!
I graduated in 1999, then moved to Jakarta. Stilll, I didn’t really know what I was going to do next. I wanted to continue my study so badly at that time…because I really wanted to live in another country to have different culture experience…I always know that experiencing another cultures is something that I really love and enjoy…
This sunday…I woke up bit early than I used to … not really good considering I slept bit late the night before…
These last few days I couldn’t sleep well…I dreamt alot and I couldn’t remember even once…what were all about…but they annoyed me big time…coz had made me couldn’t sleep very well…
Checked out the emails as usual and then went to youtube…coz I knew the lastest episode of Stargate Atlantis season 4 is there already…and I were right…wohoo!!! Love the cutie Joe Flanigan !!!(his tall dark and handsome figure with hazel eyes always reminds me of someone very dear at my heart…squeeeeeeeeeee!)…yup I am a stargate geek!!!
Being able to watch Stargate’s lastest episode kind of lighten up my mood for the day…had a good lunch just few kilometres outside the city where my kid and her cousins could go fishing and played on the big playground available in the restaurant. My daughter catched 6 big fish and she’s very proud of it…way to go girl!
But I just seem can’t stay away from my thought about "the day"…still 15 days to go….hufffffffff…still very long time!!! Be patient !!! ya ya ya ya ya!!!
Can I ask you a question?
Have you ever felt someone’s love touchs your heart and changes your life forever?
I have and because of that I felt so blessed…I can trully see God’s magical works…so beautiful yet so overwhelmed…
Beautiful…because I trully can see how love can throw away the fears…the worries…and strenghten the bond between two people who care for each other…
Overwhelmed…because this amazing feeling rushing through your body…beaten everything that’s trying to block its way…and you don’t even know where you got the strenght … the courage to fight…to see someone you care smile with joy …
Untill in the end you know … all because of love…feeling that so pure which God gives to each of us…but we tend to ignore…to forget…to our selfishness…but when 2 people work hand in hand together with love as their based…miracle could happend…that is to see God’s amazing jobs work around us…
If you ever felt that … would you ever give it up or would you keep it and try to take good care of it?…
since i found you
i think of you in everything that i do
to be with you what ever it takes i’ll do
cause you my love, you all my heart desires
you’ve lighten up my life
forever i’m alive
since i found you my world seems so brand new
you’ve show me the love i never knew
your presence is what my whole life through
since i found you my life begin so new
now who needs a dream when there is you
for all of my dreams came true
since i found you
your love shines bright
through all the corners of my heart
maybe you are my dearest heart
i give you all i have my heart, my soul, my life
my destiny is you
forever true… i’m so in love with you
since i found you my world seems so brand new
you’ve shown me the love i never knew
your presence is what my whole life through
since i found you my life begin so new
now who needs a dream when there is you
for all of my dreams came true
since i found you
my heart forever true…
in love with you..
I know there’s a good reason that God wants me to meet and to know you…
And I am blessed because God has chosen me to be there when you need someone to share…
I don’t care what others would say because I am glad that I could help and give my love to you
I don’t care who you are … what you are…because God has shown me the true you..
I’ve been blessed that I can see what others can’t see in you…
Yes…yes…I reopened my blogs!!! Honestly, I don’t know if this is a good idea, but at the moment it looks like it…so be ready !!!
Ok…first of all…I just changed my setting … get bored very easily appearantly (well…actually because some ladies have been calling me "biocth" coz I am stealing something from something…at least that what they’ve been telling me) … it’s not important anymore…because I am not stealing anything from anybody!!!
Second of all…I got pretty fed up with guys wanting for some pleasures…Please gimme a break …give this girl some respect guys!!! I am not a whore and I am not a bitch! Yes…yes…I am a single mom…which in our society sometimes considered as something taboo (not very good to be around with…) but thanks God…I still can find people who treat me as equal person … with respect … human as a whole…
